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Suicide: Never knowing why
Posted 9/15/2010
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by Staff Sgt. Mareshah Haynes
Defense Media Activity-San Antonio
9/15/2010 - SAN ANTONIO (AFNS) -- "I know you'll grieve and wish that I was still here. I am here in the memories you hold dear. Remember how much I love you and know I took your love with me. I do not wish for you to cry nor feel sad." -- excerpt from Kelvin Burford's poem Gone Away, written for Anthony Arline
Airman 1st Class Anthony Arline was in many ways just like any Airman you might know. He may have even had things in common with you. He completed basic military training and technical school. He was a security forces member. He was a son, a brother and a friend.
But unfortunately, like approximately 20 other Airmen this year, Airman Arline committed suicide.
Airman Arline, a 26-year-old native of Texas, was found in his apartment July 5 dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Though Airman Arline was going through a medical discharge from the Air Force and had personal issues, friends said they never thought he would commit suicide.
One friend, Staff Sgt. Kelvin Burford, a dormitory manager with the 802nd Civil Engineer Squadron at Lackland Air Force Base, Texas, worked with Airman Arline while the Airman worked on various assigned tasks pending his separation from the military.
"We spent a lot of time together, laughing and joking. We became very close," Sergeant Burford said. "I'm still trying to figure out what I missed. From the time he walked in here until the time he walked out, it was me and him. I never had any problems with him and every time I ever asked him to do something, it was done perfectly.
"The day (Airman Arline died), I was trying to call him to come over to the house for a barbecue," Sergeant Burford said. "I didn't have his phone number in my personal cell phone. It was in my work phone. I didn't think about (contacting him on Facebook until later), but if I had checked his page earlier I would have known something was wrong."
Sergeant Burford said Airman Arline's day-to-day behavior seemed normal, but posts on his Facebook page, about his life not being worth living, gave indications that something was undeniably wrong.
The day before Airman Arline's death, the two friends were joking as normal and making plans to start weight lifting in the gym when they returned from the holiday weekend.
"I thought he was happy," Sergeant Burford said. "I still don't understand from (one) day to the very next day what happened.
Suicide and suicide prevention have become so prevalent in the Air Force, that senior leaders set aside a day, Wingman Stand Down 2010, to address suicides and motor vehicle fatalities, both of which are needlessly claiming the lives of Airmen throughout the force.
"The loss of any Airman is a concern for us all, and demands our renewed and steady focus on preventing these tragedies," said Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Norton Schwartz and Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force James A. Roy in a joint memorandum. "We must redouble our efforts to identify those at risk for suicide and get them the support that they need to regain hope and balance in their lives."
Programs like Wingman Stand Down 2010 and the Air Force Suicide Prevention Program are geared to help leaders at all levels and peers identify behavior and situations that may indicate someone is contemplating suicide and prevent the loss of Airmen, like Airman Arline.
"While no segment of the Air Force is immune to suicide, there are known high-risk populations and known common-risk factors, like relationship problems, legal issues, financial troubles, and history of mental health diagnosis," said Air Force Vice Chief of Staff Gen. Carroll H. "Howie" Chandler, who testified before Congress as to what steps Air Force officials are taking to prevent the loss of Airmen to suicide. "The Air Force recognizes suicide as a public health concern that requires active and persistent involvement from commanders, supervisors, and peers, also referred to as wingmen, at all levels of the organization."
The death of Airman Arline not only has affected the Air Force from a mission standpoint, but it has left those close to him reeling and even feeling guilty, wondering what they could have done to help save him.
"What's eating me alive is not knowing why he did it," Sergeant Burford said. "Why didn't he talk to me about it? If it was money, I would have given him my whole paycheck. It's still taking me time to get used to him not being here. I still look up at the door, like he's going to come in here. I just couldn't believe it."
When the Airmen in the dorms learned of Airman Arline's death, Sergeant Burford said, they were shocked.
"No one said anything," he said. "We all just sat there. I told them I was here for them, but we were all just trying to figure out what happened."
Despite the tragedy of losing a fellow Airman and friend, Sergeant Burford said the situation has reiterated to him to listen to Airmen, no matter what their rank, to mentor them, develop them and to treat them with compassion, always.
"You never know what (people) may be thinking or what they're going through," he said. "I take the time out to talk to them, no matter how long it takes. If it takes eight hours, I'll stay and talk. Especially since this situation (with Airman Arline). I don't want that to happen again."
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