Commentary - Your family, your career, your choice ... choose wisely

News > Commentary - Your family, your career, your choice ... choose wisely

Your family, your career, your choice ... choose wisely

Posted 11/24/2010

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Commentary by Lt. Col. Eric Duncan
375th Contracting Squadron commander

11/24/2010 - SCOTT AIR FORCE BASE, Ill. (AFNS) -- Serving in the military can place a lot of demands on us. Sometimes though, we are so busy focusing on our jobs, we forget that military life can be tough on our families, as well.

To emphasize a commitment to families, Air Force senior leaders implemented The Year of the Air Force Family program, which wrapped up in July. It was a great campaign, but our families need and deserve more than that.

My dad passed away last January, and apart from the pain of losing him, I struggle with guilt that I wasn't around much and didn't spend enough time with him. We talked on the phone almost daily, but that will never replace the foregone time together. I've been in the Air Force now for more than 17 years, and it always seemed there was some job-related excuse that kept me away. As I look back, I regret some of the choices I made.

We hear these kinds of thoughts all the time from people who lose a loved one, yet we rarely make any changes in our own lives to prevent us from experiencing those same feelings. Instead, we say "I'm just too busy," "there will be time later," or my favorite, "I'm too important to the organization, and the mission will suffer if I'm gone."

I now realize that there may not always be time later. Our kids grow up quickly, and life is short. I've heard "things are busier than ever" for as long as I've been in the Air Force, and I really doubt things are going to slow down anytime soon, if ever.

Yes, we are busy, and we all play key roles, but do you really believe that your occasional absence will have such a devastating impact on your unit that aircraft will fall out of the sky and the Air Force mission will fail? If so, you may be surprised to know that the Air Force was flying, fighting and winning long before you joined and will continue to do so long after you're gone.

Balancing family and career can be tough, but I once read an enlightening article by an Army brigade commander on the difference between "important" versus "urgent." The author provided three rules to consider before missing any professional or personal event:

--It is important to someone who's important to you
--Your personal presence makes a difference
--The opportunity is not going to come around again

If those three conditions are satisfied, you should have a pretty good idea as to what you should do. The holidays are a great time to re-emphasize your commitment to your family, but don't limit your involvement to this time of year.

More than knowing the Air Force supports them, our families need us to be there for them. Beyond the financial support, they deserve our attendance at student teacher conferences, sporting events and graduations, taking part in birthdays and anniversaries and basically being an active participant in their lives and not just a picture on their mantle.

No one ever said it will be easy, but your choices may determine whether you run out of family before you run out of career.

Comments

11/30/2010 11:41:41 AM ET
I believe the AF is sincere in its desire for its Airmen to be better at balancing both professional and family responsibilities as evidenced with the introduction of The Year of the Air Force Family program. I consider this a step in the right direction to a problem that regretfully will not be solved with programs such as these, however. It think it is only solvable in two ways: continued mentorship in the units and leadership reconsideration of policies that drive Airmen away from their families unnecessarily. From a mentorship perspective, supervisors need to ensure subordinates clearly understand what MUST be accomplished by the end of the day vice what would be NICE to have done. This reality has gone by the wayside as a byproduct of the 'Do more with less Airmen' seen in recent years. At the unit level feedbacks are an excellent tool for supervisors to drive home that while productivity is paramount it cant occur at the expense of a subordinate's family.

Maj Tony Alvarado, Ft. Leavenworth

11/30/2010 10:44:01 AM ET
Some very valid points stated in this article. It is a balancing act juggling career with family. However, it must be pointed out that its up to each individual and their approach in keeping the family involved and part of the decision making process. You can still have a great professional career as long as your family is involved and stands behind you 100 percent no matter what obstacles arise. In the end, it boils down to priorities and what is more important to you. A wise man once told me when you leave the military no one cares who you are nor will they be there afterward. The only people who will still care and be there is your family.

Steve, Tampa

11/30/2010 9:27:41 AM ET
My unit has been working mandated 72-hour weeks for about the last 6 weeks preparing for inspection. I do not know what family is right now. Had the unit's priorities been training and compliance the last 2 years versus Booster Club and Top 3 we would not have to prepare for an inspection.

NCO, RAFB

11/30/2010 9:19:54 AM ET
What is the The Year of the Air Force Family? I agree with the sentiment of this article though - I don't voluntarily stay late unless it is a real MICAP issue. To stay late for all this ancillary stuff is just nonsense you have to realize at some point the work will still be there tomorrow. My question to workaholics is at what point is it finally okay to say enough is enough and just go home? At what point is it that you are simply coming in too early and staying too late?

SSgt V, USAF

11/30/2010 8:40:44 AM ET
Thank you, sir, for having the courage to say what's needed to be said for a long time. The whole 'do more with less' mentality has to have a critical failure point, and I think with all that has been going on since 911 the US military is getting pretty close. As a SNCO I endured this battle everyday for years. The AF Senior Leadership, Wing CC, Sq CCs, and Wing Chiefs expecting you to give 110 percent to Wing activities and 110 percent to your Sq, which doesn't leave you a whole lot to give to your family. I finally realized it was time to go. Sir, I encourage you to push your thoughts to everyone and everywhere and perhaps the AF will get the big picture.

SMSgt Ret, Florida

11/30/2010 4:00:30 AM ET
That's why I don't work much past my duty hours. I may not be considered a dedicated Airman but at the end of the day my family means more to me than anything.

NCO, RAFL

11/29/2010 4:15:54 PM ET
Yet everything at work is a number one priority and must be done before anything and everything else. What you don't get done today will be there tomorrow. Unfortunately many don't agree with that philosophy or principle.

SNCO Ret., CO

11/29/2010 2:38:29 PM ET
Well said Sir. The last sentence of your commentary really sums it up. I wish more of our leaders thought the way that you do.

SNCO, OH

11/29/2010 1:26:26 PM ET
Well thought, well written Lt Col Duncan. We never get the time we spend away back and you gave us some good guidelines to start with in determining how to make that call.

S. Cobb, Lajes Field

11/25/2010 2:29:32 AM ET
That's exactly why I got out of the Air Force. Now I get to spend time with my family all the time and it's great.

John, Colorado

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