Retreat comes right on time for Seymour Johnson couple

HUNT, Texas (AFPN) -- Nina Taylor tears up each time she thinks of her husband leaving. And then the uncontrollable sobs come.

But she can’t help it. Because after three years of marriage, she still isn’t used to the idea of him just packing up and deploying to some desert base for four to six months -- and leaving her alone. He’s already done that twice.

It’s not that she hasn’t adapted to Air Force life, or that she doesn’t understand how important her husband is to his unit’s success. On the contrary, she’s proud to be a military spouse. And she’s just as proud of her husband’s role in the war on terrorism.

It’s the separations she can’t handle. They’re torture, she said. The last time Master Sgt. Don Taylor deployed was during a Christmas holiday. She was doubly depressed.

“My God, it was devastating,” she said. “I was missing him so much I just cried. I was so sad.”

To cope, she buried herself in her work. As the district manager for a chain of fashion stores, she had a dozen stores to worry about. But that wasn’t enough. When she ran out of work, she kept her granddaughter as often as her daughter would let her. But even that wasn’t enough to keep her mind off the possibility of her husband dying in some faraway war zone.

“I remodeled the house. Spent money,” said Mrs. Taylor, of Goldsboro, N.C. “That kept me busy.”

But in a couple of weeks, Sergeant Taylor deploys from Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, N.C., again. For him, it’s nothing new. He’s done it plenty during his 24 years of service. Now as the chief of the 333rd Aircraft Maintenance Unit loading section, his job has never been more important. His troops load the weapons F-15E Strike Eagles use to ply their deadly trade over Iraq.

“It’s déjà vu all over again,” said Sergeant Taylor, who is from Columbus, Ga. “You go where Uncle Sam sends you, but it’s not something you want to do. It’s something that has to be done.”

Sergeant Taylor knows he won’t have much time to reminisce when he’s in the desert. He’ll be busy working long hours and keeping his mind on his troops and getting the mission done safely. And like the last two times he deployed, he’ll dutifully call his wife, e-mail her and send “snail mail” to fill in the details of his life in the desert. And he’ll miss her as much as she misses him.

“It’s a situation you never get used to,” he said.

The sergeant admits it’s easier for him to deal with the separations. He’s more used to it. And knowing that their love for each other will help them survive the separation still doesn’t make the separations any easier to deal with. So any tidbit of information they can get to help make it easier is like manna from heaven.

That’s why when Sergeant Taylor found out through his squadron first sergeant about a program that would allow him to spend a week with his wife at a Texas Hill Country retreat -- with all expenses paid -- he jumped at the chance to take her there. He called his wife, but she didn’t need any persuading. She just asked when they could go.

“Sometimes you need to forget what you’re doing and spend some quality time with your wife,” Sergeant Taylor said. “This was a way to do that.”

Sponsored by the Military, Veterans and Family Assistance Program, the retreat -- called the Phoenix Project -- aims to help military couples affected by the war on terrorism. Held at the Heart of the Hills Camp on the bank of the serene Guadalupe River, the retreat is the nonprofit organization’s way of welcoming home veterans from the war. It’s also a way to thank them for their service. It’s a way the group helps troops transition from the battlefield to the home front.

In the Taylors' case the retreat let them and other couples get away together one last time before one of the spouses deployed. Couples found the retreat truly promised peace and quiet without the distraction of well-meaning family members, children and friends or telephones, television, radios or the Internet. Even using cellular telephones was tough.

At the camp, six couples spent a week doing pretty much what they wanted. The retreat isn’t high pressure. There is a laid-back atmosphere and attendees have the option to attend group sessions on how to cope with the separations, or not. Couples could go hiking, fishing, canoeing and horseback riding. They could play basketball and volleyball, or get a massage. Or they could just lounge around and spend time together.

“You get to do a lot of things here that you would probably never do at home,” Sergeant Taylor said. “We’d never sit down at home to do a (jigsaw) puzzle together. But, wow, puzzles are addictive.”

The Taylors did attend the group sessions that addressed the periods before, during and after a deployment and how to learn to cope with each. The couple said the things they learned will help them to better cope with their upcoming separation, too. They found that telephone calls and e-mails are not the only ways to keep in touch. One thing they learned, and which they plan on doing, is to keep a journal of their time apart.

The retreat staff remained flexible. They were just as keen on meeting the attendees' every need as they were to help them learn to cope with deployments.

“It just blows your mind how well they treat you here,” Sergeant Taylor said. “These are some very positive people.”

After a week of fishing, horseback riding and some well-earned rest and relaxation, the Taylors were sad to be returning home. For one thing, it meant they’d be closer to their inevitable separation. But both said they’d be better prepared for this upcoming separation.

As the couple readied to return home, the Taylors said the retreat was like nothing they’d ever experienced. They made friends with other couples from their base. Mrs. Taylor plans to keep in touch with one of the spouses she met, so they can help each other manage. And now Sergeant Taylor also feels a little better about his wife being able to handle his absence better.

But what they were most surprised to find out was that for all they knew about each other, there were still a lot of things they didn’t know about how each one ticked.

Sergeant Taylor learned some things his wife didn’t like about him, of which he knew nothing about. He found he wasn’t communicating with his wife as well as he could. And he found he wasn’t expressing himself like he often thought he was.

“But I’ll remember now,” he said.

Sergeant Taylor said the retreat staff was caring and helpful. They wanted the couples to reconnect, to get to know each other better.

Best of all, the retreat brought them closer together, Mrs. Taylor said. After just a few days it felt like the honeymoon they never had, she said. There was no distraction. And she felt closer to her husband than ever before. It was a memory she will always cherish.

“It was one on one,” she said. “I had his full attention.”