AF programs offer help for ‘the blues’

INCIRLIK AIR BASE, Turkey (AFPN) -- I had heard the rhetoric about Air Force mental health programs and seen the commercials touting chaplains and life skills support centers. I figured they were for poor, desperate souls; definitely not for me.

I took pride in standing on my own two feet, solving my own problems. Anyway, I didn’t need help. Life was golden. I had a good career, a beautiful 12-month-old daughter and a husband I loved.

Then it seemed with the passing of one night, my life changed forever. My husband and I split up. I was shocked and confused. We had our problems, but doesn’t everyone? It was March, barely a week before Incirlik family members were moved to Germany, a week before I had to get on an airplane to Spangdahlem Air Base, Germany, where my daughter and I were to wait out the operations in Southwest Asia. And the kicker? I was two months pregnant.

I was devastated. My departure from Incirlik was a blur. I forced a smile at work, then sat in my billeting room every night and cried. On good days, I managed to stifle my self-pity long enough to take my daughter out. Then there were the bad days. The long nights where I sat on that scratchy billeting couch contemplating my life and slipping deeper into a depression.

Those were the worst nights -- the nights that prompted me to get help. I called a chaplain and found the help I needed. It was scary, but my need far outweighed my pride. Asking for help didn’t change my life overnight, but it helped to talk things out. It helped knowing I wasn’t alone.

But for people like me, people who somehow dredge up the courage to seek help, there are countless others who don’t. Either they are afraid to appear “weak,” or fearful of career-shattering repercussions, such as judgment from their supervisors and peers, or a bias on performance reports.

“People are often afraid to ask for help because being strong and self-reliant are qualities we use to mark people who ‘have it all together,’ said Chaplain (Maj.) Steve Schaick, 39th Air Base Group senior Protestant chaplain.

These fears can have devastating results. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death among Americans, with a life lost, on average, every 18 minutes, according to the National Institute of Mental Health Web site. The Air Force suicide rate is somewhat lower, averaging 32.8 per year from 1997 to 2001, according to Air Force Medical Service statistics.

Although the Air Force stats are relatively low, they don’t necessarily reflect the mental status of airmen. How many others aren’t contemplating suicide but are still in pain?

I talk to people every day and hear about marital problems, depression, parenting issues, loneliness … the list goes on and on. Only a few of them ask for help. The others “get by.”

That is no way to live. You don’t have to be on the brink of suicide to need help.

Whether you’re the one feeling down or you know someone with problems, take measures. Either get help or help someone else. If you see someone is down in the dumps, ask what’s wrong. Take time to listen, even if it is someone you aren’t close to. Call the life skills support center or a chaplain. Make an appointment for a friend or just listen when your friend needs to talk. It helped me a lot just to know people cared.

With the holidays at hand, caring for others is even more essential. We are all away from loved ones and the holiday traditions we hold dear. Keep an eye out for others and yourself. Invite people into your home.

Life is tough. There are many people with worse problems than mine, but somehow that doesn’t lessen my pain. I have learned, however, that when shared, the sadness and hurt, so overwhelming when kept squirreled away in the darkness, diminish when exposed to the light of day.