Surviving sexual assault: One victim’s story

  • Published
  • By Capt. Suzanne Ovel
  • 20th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
SHAW AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. (AFPN) --  When she woke up, everything in her life had changed. 

Her best friend no longer existed. At least his status as her best friend was now gone. That changed instantly and forever when she found him on top of her, assaulting her. 

The evening began as any other for Amanda -- not her real name. The Airman and her best friend were studying together, alone, at her place. 

Feeling tired, she decided to call it quits for the night, and asked him to leave. Later, when she awoke with him violating her, any residual feelings of sleepiness sharply shifted to horror and shock. 

After he left, Amanda showered. 

“You’re not supposed to, but no one can ever understand how disgusting and dirty it feels,” she said. “I’ve never scrubbed so hard in my life. I just couldn’t wash it away.” 

Less than an hour later, Amanda reported the assault to the authorities. 

“I was too scared to call. Until that morning, he was my best friend, and I was about to have him arrested,” the 19-year-old said. “I was so torn.” 

Today victims can opt to use restrictive reporting if they immediately contact the base’s sexual assault response and prevention coordinator. But when Amanda was assaulted, that option wasn’t available. The authorities began a full investigation. 

After the phone call, she went directly to the hospital for a medical examination, while investigators examined her residence for evidence. 

That single night forever altered her emotions, thoughts and focus in life. 

“It touches every aspect of your life, and it’s not just something you can walk away from,” she said. 

“Before the assault, I was just worried about my career,” Amanda said. “Afterwards, (I felt) humiliated, hurt, furious, terrified, disgusted, nauseous, dizzy -- you name it.” 

Amanda’s family, her dog and a few select people helped her start her recovery from the assault. 

For Amanda, her attacker’s brother-like status made the betrayal even worse. She still questions his motives. 

“I would ask him what in the hell was going through his mind that he felt he had the right to do that,” she said. “I just hope he gets mental help.” 

To other victims, she would simply say, “I’m sorry. That’s all you really can say.” 

She pleads with Airmen who know a sexual assault victim not to force them to talk about the incident, and not to be offended if the victim treats them differently -- the victim’s perceptions may be altered. 

More importantly, she wants family, friends and coworkers to not victimize the person again, judging them or questioning their accounts. 

“Can you imagine being too afraid to fall asleep for fear that you’re going to wake up with someone on top of you? I hope not, but victims can,” she said. 

Sexual assault awareness facts

-- Acquaintance rape accounts for more than 80 percent of all rapes.

-- Isolation is a common method used by sexual assault perpetrators. 

-- Restrictive reporting allows victims to receive medical care and counseling without an official investigation; to use restrictive reporting, victims must directly contact the sexual assault response and prevention coordinator.