CDC, health pros offer programs, tips to help children Published Oct. 7, 2005 By Matthew R. Weir 1st Fighter Wing Public Affairs LANGLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Va. (AFPN) -- “I miss my mommy,” said Emani Wilcox in a matter-of-fact tone that only children can seem to muster. For a second, there was a swelling of tears in her eyes. Then she saw the camera and was all smiles. “Cheese!” Once the camera flashed, she was back to playing and laughing with her friends. Other than the little glimpse of sadness when asked about her mom, Emani is happy and content. Emani’s mom, Senior Airman Deborah White, deployed to Iraq supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. But today she is at home, and Emani could not be happier. The transition from “mom being home,” to “mom being deployed” and back again is rarely smooth, but thanks to the efforts of child-care providers at the child development center here, that process may be a little bit easier. Child-care providers offer consistency and routine for children when their parents are deployed, helping children deal with a parent being gone. For children in single-parent homes, having a parent deployed means living with a different family and sometimes living in a different house. In these situations, children need as much routine in their lives as possible, CDC officials said. “We try to meet the individual needs of each child in our care,” said Kelly McConnell child-care program director here. “We work with each child individually and address problems at home. We talk with them and help them cope, help them understand about mom or dad being gone. “I want this place to be like a home,” Mrs. McConnell said. Even with the CDC’s providers doing all that they can, the best predictor of how a child is going to respond when their parent deploys is how the stay-at-home parent is handling the deployment, said Maj. Melissa Gould, 1st Medical Group’s mental health flight commander. “If the stay-at-home parent is emotionally distraught, their children will be as well,” Major Gould said. “Children need to know that their parent is stable and can be depended upon. Children are egocentric and need to know how their parent’s deployment is going to impact them.” Missing a parent for months can be confusing for a child. Parents need to normalize those feelings of confusion and encourage the child to talk about his or her feelings rather than express them in unhealthy ways, Major Gould said. Parents should expect that children’s behavior might regress until they have acclimated to being without a parent. This regression can include bed-wetting, thumb sucking, tears at bedtime, difficulty getting to sleep and repetitive questions about the deployed parent, health officials said. Stay-at-home parents should set clear and loving boundaries so the child can keep his or her focus on school and extracurricular activities. “Some parents make the mistake of allowing children to sleep with them,” Major Gould said. “This habit will be very hard to break when the other parent returns and wants to sleep with their spouse.” If a child lashes out because a parent is deployed, parents should remember it is a trying time for everyone. They should provide the child with consistency, love and tenderness so he or she can work through his or her feelings and stay healthy and happy, health officials said. For more information, Airmen can contact their local family support center.