Woman reclaims her life after sexual assault

  • Published
  • By Susan Griggs
  • 81st Training Wing Public Affairs
Tricia Van Prooyen is an Air Force spouse, a mom, a college student -- and a rape survivor.

Sharing such a personal story is not easy, she said, but it is a valuable part of the healing process for the 33-year-old wife of Staff Sgt. Tim Van Prooyen, who is assigned to the 81st Training Support Squadron here.

"I haven't been through all this hell for nothing," Mrs. Van Prooyen said. "If my story can help one person, it's worth telling."

About seven years ago, the family was living near Maxwell Air Force Base, Ala. Mrs. Van Prooyen said she was awakened at home by an intruder who held a gun to her head. He threatened to kill her two little boys if she screamed. He forced her into the kitchen where he raped her on the floor.

Afterward, he walked through the house with her and took all the phones so she could not call for help, and he told her not to move out of the kitchen when he left. While Mrs. Van Prooyen no longer had her cordless phone, but she still had the keypad and speaker and used them to call her best friend, who called 911. She said she was afraid to stay on the phone in case her attacker returned.

Sergeant Van Prooyen came home from his night job to find police cars everywhere. The house was now a crime scene, and he was not allowed to be with his wife until detectives finished their interviews.

Mrs. Van Prooyen said she was taken to the hospital where a medical examination was done and a rape kit of physical evidence was assembled, while her husband sat with their preacher in the waiting room.

"The rape crisis center person wasn't very friendly and didn't make things any easier for me," she said. "They're supposed to bring you a change of clothes when they come to the hospital, but she didn't. Later, I called the center for help, but they didn't return my call."

Mrs. Van Prooyen said she had to go down to the police department for more questioning.

"I felt like they were trying to confuse me and poke holes in my story to make sure I was telling the truth," she said.

They also took mug shots of her, which she said upset her because on TV only the criminal’s picture gets taken.

She said she refused to return to their house, so members of their church got the family a motel room and stayed with her while her husband took care of other arrangements. They applied for base housing and were assigned a house the same day. Church members packed up their belongings for the move.

"For me, there was an overwhelming flow of thoughts and emotions," said Sergeant Van Prooyen, who has been in the Air Force and married for 12 years. "I felt anger and rage at the perpetrator (but I was) thankful because (my wife) and the boys could've been killed. I felt guilty because I wasn't there to protect her. I wasn't sure how she'd react (or) how I'd react.

"There really aren't many resources for husbands of sexual-assault victims," he said. "But we had to press on with life. We had to take care of our family, do our jobs and try to keep everything from falling apart."

The man who raped Mrs. Van Prooyen was eventually caught and convicted of several crimes and received a life sentence with a chance of parole after 10 years, officials said. Even though he was incarcerated, the nightmare was not over for the Van Prooyen family.

"Even though we were in a different house, I wanted to start my life all over again," said Mrs. Van Prooyen, who directed a day-care facility before she was attacked.

In 1999, the family was granted a humanitarian move to Vandenberg AFB, Calif., so she could be closer to her mother. But, as hard as the family tried to regroup, she said things spiraled downward as her pain from the rape turned inward.

"I didn't want to eat, be with my husband or kids or make friends," she said. “The people I worked with at the day-care facility made me call the rape crisis center, and it's the best call I ever made. It restored my faith that there were people out there who wanted to help me.

"They say that everyone has an angel -- my angel's name is Alison," Mrs. Van Prooyen said of the counselor who worked with her and remains a strong supporter. "She stood by me, cared about me and was a tremendous influence in my life. If I had a nightmare in the middle of the night, I could call her. If I couldn't reach her, there were other people there who knew what I was going through and were always ready to help me."

Mrs. Van Prooyen, who said she also was sexually abused as a child, began 12 weeks of group counseling and shared stories with other women who had been assaulted. It helped, but the burden finally became too much to bear.

"I broke -- I just couldn't take it," she said. "I didn't want to pretend that things were OK anymore."

Her weight dropped to 78 pounds on her 5-foot 2-inch frame, so her family physician at Vandenberg, Maj. (Dr.) Claire Shervanick, arranged for her to enter a treatment program at the University of Iowa.

"Dr. Shervanick was incredibly compassionate," Mrs. Van Prooyen said. "She moved military insurance faster than I've ever seen it move before."

The treatment team, which included a doctor, nutritionist, therapist and counselor, worked together to save her, and she said she bonded closely with other patients in the program. After seven weeks, she was ready to return home to continue her return to health.

"It was very hard to leave California," she said of the family's move to Keesler two years ago. "I knew I had to finish the work I had started and keep my recovery moving forward."

When she arrived here, she got in touch with a local center to continue counseling and to get involved in its community programs.

Sergeant Van Prooyen continues to support his wife, but he said he has learned some difficult lessons along the way.

"A situation like this forces patience and understanding more than usual. Without it, there's no possible way to make it through," he said. "I had to learn that I can't fix everything. I can never fix what happened to Tricia, and that's hard to accept. Life might never be 'normal' again. Sometimes she just wants me to listen without trying to offer some way to fix it, just to be a sounding board, and that's not easy for me.

"All I can do is be there,” he said. “What kind of man would I be if I couldn't be there for her?”

Mrs. Van Prooyen’s experience has changed the course of her academic pursuits as well. Previously a business major, she soon will receive her bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Southern Mississippi, and she said plans to pursue a master's degree in counseling.

"I've been able to experience both sides of sexual abuse -- as a victim and as an advocate," she said. "I've been able to do some really neat work, and I have a real heart for people. I want to help women learn that there's life after sexual trauma.”

Her message to sexual-assault victims is simple: Don’t give up. Help is available either on base or off.

While her first experience with a rape crisis center was a bad one, she said victims should insist on getting help. Trying to do it on their own does not work.

"I can't erase what I've lost. I can't get the time back," she said. "But some good things have happened. The love that Tim and I feel for each other has grown stronger. I know who I am now; I'm stronger and I express my feelings more openly. My other resources have made up for the loss. I feel that every positive step I make in my recovery is a thank you to the people who've helped me." (Courtesy of Air Education and Training Command News Service)