Painful memories remain of 9/11

  • Published
  • By Geoff Janes
  • 100th Air Refueling Wing Public Affairs
ROYAL AIR FORCE MILDENHALL, England (AFPN) --  It still hurts.

I can still see the images flashing on the television screen like the echoes of ghosts that should have been put to rest by now. But in my heart, those echoes resonate just as clearly as that day five years ago when I watched CNN from the relative safety of Robins Air Force Base, Ga., as four commercial airliners took away a sense of security I, like so many of my peers, had grown up with.

The Cold War was over. Desert Storm had come and gone, and the subtle feeling of safety that comes with being an American was wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold night. I think because of that, the attack caught me more unaware than it should have.

I'll never forget the shock of it all, or the feeling I had as my co-worker desperately dialed his wife's number on his cell phone. She was staying in a hotel near the World Trade Center. His eyes were rapidly darting from left to right and his hands were shaking every time he tried to call. Her phone was off.

I tried to call an old friend of mine from when I was in the Army who also worked in the Pentagon, but couldn't reach him. I left message after message on his home phone, right after the cheerful greeting from his wife.

It would be hours before I heard from him.

"Geoffrey," he said. "What's all the fuss about?"

To my relief, it turned out he had recently transferred to Virginia, and was out of harm's way. My co-worker's wife had escaped the attacks unharmed, too.

Not everyone was so lucky. And in retrospect I now wonder if any of us were really completely unharmed by the events that occurred that day.

After a sleepless night, I stopped at the corner store and bought an 89-cent American flag and attached it to my car antenna like so many of my compatriots. The flags were everywhere. As I pulled up to the red light half a mile from base, my morning radio station announcer was taking calls from people wanting to offer their perceptions of the previous day's events. It was cathartic. Some were angry, some sad, but nearly all asked the same question, "Why?"

As a lady's shaking and trembling voice came through my car speakers, I hung on her every word. She recounted her memories as a girl of the news of the attack on Pearl Harbor. She was crying as she talked of the horror of the event and how it seized our country in a morose grip of sadness and anger.

"I never thought I would live to see something like that again," she said through her tears. "I never thought it would happen again ..."

None of us did.

As her voice trailed off, I looked up at the marquee sign at the gas station I usually stopped at on my way to work and saw three words.

God bless America.

I had my moment of grief right there in the car. But I also felt stronger because I knew I wasn't alone. It seemed like everywhere there was a sense of patriotism. All around me it was as if all the little differences that sometimes get in the way of a free society were put aside.

We were Americans, and we were under attack. Our lifestyle, wealth, technological advances -- everything that sums up America, especially our freedoms -- was questioned. We answered those questions with what felt like newfound solidarity. Was it really new though? Nah, it was always there, just under the surface. And it's still there today.

There are some who might think the American public has lost some of its resolve during the last five years. They watch the news and see there are some Americans unhappy with the foreign policy and ongoing missions in the war on terrorism.

But, that doesn't mean we've lost our gumption. No one wants war. No one ever wants to see their fellow citizens dying. But I believe that, in no way, means we have lost our resolve.

It's merely evidence of the freedoms we experience as Americans. We are afforded the right to speak out against the things we don't like.

I've had many friends deployed since that clear autumn day in 2001. One of my dearest friends was shot in Afghanistan, only to return to the fray after a year of recuperation. It's troubling. And at times it gets downright disheartening, but it also seems necessary.

I think it's safe to say most Americans don't like war, but we also don't like people blowing up our buildings, attacking our freedoms and threatening democracy.
Through our country's history, Americans have demonstrated time and time again that we're willing to go the distance, to do whatever it takes to preserve our interests. When it comes to our resolve, it's intact.

And, when it comes to remembering 9/11, rest assured, it still hurts enough to maintain it.