My husband is a drug addict

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Lindsay Thomas
  • 22nd Contracting Squadron
MCCONNELL AIR FORCE BASE, Kan. (AFPN) --  I’ve said those words many times, yet the sound of them still makes me cringe. I still wonder how any of this could have happened; I ponder how everything could have spun so horribly out of control.

About a year ago, I was pulled out of Airman Leadership School by an Office of Special Investigations agent who informed me that my husband had failed a urinalysis for cocaine. Shocked and troubled, I somehow stumbled back to class distracted by news that seemed unreal and impossible.

And my husband swore to me that it was impossible. He pleaded his innocence, giving me some elaborate story about a trip to the emergency room for kidney stones and a morphine drip that caused him to test positive for cocaine. And I believed him. Why wouldn’t I? There were no signs of drug abuse; he didn’t match that profile. I never saw drastic mood changes, there was never an issue with money mysteriously disappearing from our bank accounts, and I could always account for where he was.

And as the court-martial grew ever near, the stress became unbearable. I wasn’t sleeping; I couldn’t concentrate. To be completely honest, I was a basket case. But there was some glimmer of hope, because I believed in justice. I believed that everything would be made right and that if I just stuck through it, there would be a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel.

And then, two weeks before the court-martial, my husband’s stories started to contradict one another and he kept backtracking on his stories, grasping for some validity. He was slipping up, and it all began to unravel before him.

And then he said it. “I slipped up,” is what he said. “I used cocaine.” Dumbfounded, I demanded an explanation, only to hear the horrible stories of cocaine abuse, painkillers that were taken like they were pieces of candy, and the experimentation of every other drug you could imagine.

So, I told him that he needed to do the right thing. It was the hardest and easiest decision I ever had to make. To make a long story short, on our three-year wedding anniversary, my husband pleaded guilty to using cocaine on several occasions, was sentenced to eight months confinement, forfeiture of pay and allowances, reduction to airman basic and a bad conduct discharge. My husband is a drug addict, and his decisions and his disease ruined his life.

But this is just the beginning of the end of this story. You see, my husband’s disease touched everyone around him and wrapped its poisonous fingers around them. I was ruined, my children were ruined, our families were ruined, our friends were ruined and the Air Force was ruined.

This experience and his actions left everyone hurt and betrayed. I feel like I gave my soul to love, and it has paid me back in change. Our son, who is two-years-old, resorted to taking a picture of his daddy to bed with him at night in some hapless, desperate effort to be closer to his father. My daughter, who is five-months-old, will not even know the man who is supposed to be her father when he finally gets out of prison.

Now, a heart that is worn and weathered would know better than to fight, but I have decided to wear mine like a weapon. I vowed that this abuse, this addiction that afflicts my husband will NEVER touch my children again, or anyone else, for that matter, if I can help it.

After the court-martial, I was appalled to know that there were many who knew of my husband’s addictions. “Why,” I pleaded, “didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you help him?” And I kept getting the same answers. Some said they didn’t want the conflict, others stated that it wasn’t any of their business, and even others said that they didn’t want to intrude on anybody’s personal problems.

Well, those answers do not cut it. Those responses are weak and fruitless. We are all members of the Air Force family, and how can we turn our back on one of our own? It is our responsibility as Air Force members to take a stand and help someone, even if doing the right thing hurts like hell.

If you know someone who has a problem with alcohol or prescription medications or drugs, please, I am begging with you and pleading with you, say something.

My husband is solely responsible for the crimes he committed; however, I cannot help but wonder how different the circumstances would have been if someone had taken a stand against my husband’s drug abuse when he or she first obtained knowledge of it. Perhaps he could have gotten help before everything spun so feverishly out of control.

As I reflect on the recent events, the answers are all so simple: If you are abusing alcohol, prescription medications or illegal substances, you will eventually get caught and you will pay the ultimate price for your actions. You will be ripped from your family and your home and forced to live in a prison where you can’t even walk through a doorway without asking permission.

There is also another answer: We are responsible for our fellow Airmen. You are the key to making the right choice and helping someone before it is too late. And it will be a hard choice to make; we all know that. But the rewards are limitless when you can proudly state that you helped make someone healthy and free of the strangling depths of drugs.