Remember those you'll leave behind

  • Published
  • By Col. Theresa C. Carter
  • 42nd Mission Support Group commander
MAXWELL AIR FORCE BASE, Ala. (AFPN) --  Sept. 2, 1985. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was Labor Day and my second day on active duty. I was filled with excitement, nervousness and anticipation as I started my Air Force career at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma.

After several hours looking for an apartment, I returned to lodging and noticed the message light on my phone was flashing. The clerk at the front desk told me to call home immediately. Fearing the worst, I dialed the number in Albuquerque. After a few rings, my dad answered. He asked me if I was sitting down and told me my younger sister had committed suicide that morning.

Shock, guilt, anger, sadness and a thousand other emotions went through me as I slumped to the floor. How could this be? She was only 21. I just had dinner with her two days ago. She didn't seem sad or depressed, didn't say she was thinking of killing herself. Was I to blame?

If anyone should have seen this coming, it was me. We shared a room growing up and did everything together. We played on the same high school sports teams and had the same friends. How could she be so selfish? Didn't she know how much she meant to me, my family and to others? Didn't she realize how empty our lives would be without her?

Each time I hear that a member of our Air Force family has committed suicide, I think of my sister. I then wonder why he or she made that decision and how we could have prevented it.

The Air Force suicide prevention and awareness program is one of the most aggressive programs around. Commanders, first sergeants and supervisors as well as medical personnel and chaplains invest countless hours educating our Airmen and supporting them through difficult circumstances. We brief everyone annually how to spot those who may be at risk and where to turn for help. We pull out all stops to provide counseling and intervene in crisis situations. Yet, despite our best efforts, some still decide that suicide is their only option. I shake my head and wonder why.

I'm convinced that in that moment of truth, that instant when an individual chooses to live or die, those that choose to live think of those they will leave behind -- family, friends and co-workers -- rather than themselves. Instead of thinking about their own pain or difficulties, they think about how their death would hurt and sadden their loved ones. They think about opportunities lost, celebrations that would be less festive without their participation and burdens that would be more difficult for their family to bear without them.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sister and wish she were here to share the highs and lows, joys and sorrows I've experienced the last 18 and a half years.

So if you have friends, family members or co-workers who are having a tough time dealing with stress and the demands of everyday life, take time to remind them how important they are. Let them know they are not alone and that no situation is so hopeless that suicide is the only answer.

But, most of all, simply ask them to remember those they will leave behind.