Fear, anxiety sometimes come in little packages

  • Published
  • By Nancy Jo Doubrava-Dull
  • 92nd Air Refueling Wing Family Support Center
FAIRCHILD AIR FORCE BASE, Wash. (AFPN) --  "Mommy, why is there war?"

"Daddy, why are there terrorists?"

Tough questions, yes. Impossible questions, not necessarily.

Our children are growing up in a different world than we did. Messages of terror can travel the Internet around the world in seconds. Rogue nations with weapons of mass destruction are the norm rather than the exception.

What is a parent to do when little ones start asking these kinds of questions.

First, don't panic. Second, tailor your answers to a child's developmental stage and age.

For example, my daughter was just shy of four years old when her father was called back to active duty for Desert Storm and Shield. She asked me the same tough questions children are asking now.

I told her gently that sometimes adults act like bullies and take things that don't belong to them, so soldiers, airmen and sailors like daddy have to go and make those bullies behave and give back what they took.

The next question was't nearly as clear-cut: "Mommy, didn't that Saddam's mommy teach him not to take things that don't belong to him?"

My answer was, "Yes, baby, but sometimes adults forget or don't follow lessons they learned as children."

Yes, out of the mouths of babes.

Children don't have the ability to understand war in the same way adults do. Because their experience set is smaller, they can only conceive war as something that will happen in their neighborhood, to their family and at their school and play areas.

Parents should reassure them there are many people working to protect us and that generally, we are safe in our homes, schools and at play.

Children tend to look for simple answers. When explaining war, people might want to make a distinction between dropping a few bombs and a long-term war.

If children avoid talking about war, it does not necessarily mean they aren't thinking about it. But parents shouldn't give them too much information or they risk information overload.

Limit media exposure, especially for younger children. Older children and teens might watch the news with their parents and discuss what they are seeing.

If children have trouble coping, parents should seek professional help for them. There are school counselors, counselors at Life Skills and skilled providers at Family Advocacy who can assist parents in helping their children cope with this brave new world.

In order for parents to take care of their children, they must take care of themselves.

War can be a tremendous stressor. Talk with friends and take advantage of every opportunity to network with others whose loved ones are deployed. Beyond "misery loves company," sharing fears and challenges with others going through the same thing helps normalize feelings.

For an easy way to network with others, consult with the staff of your local Family Support Center. (Courtesy of Air Mobility Command News Service)