Planning helps reduce stress when deployment ends

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Tom Deall
  • Air Reserve Personnel Center Public Affairs
DENVER (AFPN) --  Prior to a deployment, the Air Force wants to make the separation as easy as possible for the military family so the member can concentrate on his or her job while away from home.

Obtaining a power of attorney, setting up an allotment and ensuring family members are properly enrolled in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System so they get benefits and entitlements are all designed to make the transition smoother. The process may seem time-consuming, but it gives servicemembers one last chance to settle all issues of concern for the well-being of their families and to afford them some peace of mind.

But what about when it's time to return home? What happens to servicemembers who have been away for 90 days or more?

Except for duty requirements, their ability to come and go has been relatively unrestricted. More importantly, they've had a respite from taxiing children to and from school, doing chores, and spending weekends going from one activity to another. For most of them, bills were also left behind as their spouse assumed those responsibilities.

For the spouse, the duties of holding down household demands went from a shared responsibility to one that occupies most of his or her time. One person takes on the roles of both parents, becoming chauffeur, cook, healer, tutor, referee and consoler.

Though assuming these new roles is difficult at first, both service member and spouse develop a routine and learn to manage alone. Of course, that's a temporary situation that demands attention when the deployment ends.

According to family support specialists, a lot of stress is associated with the end of a deployment and the return of the servicemember. For the military spouse who has learned to be independent and self-reliant, there is anxiety associated with having to welcome back a spouse, who, at times, can seem like a stranger in the home. The returning airman, on the other hand, may be living in a fantasy world, expecting home life to be different.

Couples can rebuild their partnership if they take time to communicate. Talking brings them closer together and helps them to accept that the other person may be different in a number of ways, including how he or she reacts to the other partner. Experts emphasize that reestablishing intimate and sexual relationships may be awkward at first and suggest going slowly.

When dealing with children, the returning airman must remember to avoid attempts at making up for lost time. He or she needs to make a concerted effort to spend quality time with each child. The transition also affects children because they may resent mommy or daddy being away.

Overall, it's important that servicemembers and spouses not go the transition alone. With specialists available at the base family support center, chaplain's office and life skills support center, families can seek help if and when needed. With help and planning, their reunion can be a celebration and not a stressful situation when the deployment is over.

More information on homecomings is available on the Air Force Community Website: www.afcrossroads.com (Courtesy of Air Force Reserve Command News Service)